April Cruise: 35th Circumlocution of Bainbridge Island
The April club cruise will be the traditional circumlocution of Bainbridge Island with boats anchoring afterwards north of Lemolo (east side of Liberty Bay). Steve and Elsie on S/V Osprey will be cruise leaders.
- Dates: Saturday and Sunday, April 24-25, 2021
- The Office of Circumlocution is proud to present The OPENING DEBATES of the 35th CIRCUMLOCUTION at 1000 hours, 24 April, 2021, on a line true west from the West Point lighthouse and east of the VTS lanes. The debates will be argued initially upwind from this line, then the Masters of vessels who have mangled the administration of issues may choose to sail either north or south. Boats heading north must leave the “SF” buoy on the far left as described below in Para 11, before heading to Agate Pass, and shall be prepared to discuss the finer elements of tea and crumpets. Boats heading south around Bainbridge Island have no marks, shall be prepared to sail over the Dept of Bureaucratic Terrorism (DBT) wall. The determination of the most clueless administrators will be made under the power lines just past Keyport Naval Station and Underwater Weapons Research Center.
- There will be three Platforms for Debate. 1) Smaller craft and gray double-enders under 38 feet LOA (former Trump Cabinet members who were fired or left under a cloud). 2) Half-fast, in mid-size craft (former administrators laying low hoping to retire alive). 3) Larger and/or those who think they are really fast (former Cabinet members who left on their own terms).
- The first platform will start at 1000, the second at 1015, and the third at 1030. Boats with more than one hull must wait 15 additional minutes for each additional hull.
- The Debates will be monitored by former VP Pence, who will come out of silent obscurity to sound a single long horn blast at each plank laying session except for the multiple hull boats. Protests must be registered in advance with the night before with Nikki Haley, Ambassador without portfolio and Governor without State..
- Those vessels who have earned 2nd place in the past five years are not eligible for 2nd place. They may, in the enduring tradition of politicians worldwide, obfuscate the discussion by coming in First, i.e., ahead of 2nd place.
- The following are frowned upon and are grounds for public scorn:
Failing to have at least one sail up starting and finishing.
Use of internal combustion engine(s).
Failing to sail the entire course on your bottom in your bottom.
Failing to navigate the entire selected course.
Failing to display a PSCC burgee.
- The HIGHEST and MOST VALUED Award will be given for SECOND PLACE. First across will be gagged, no longer allowed to blather.
- An award will be given for the BEST HORROR D’HOOVER. Judgment will be by secret negotiations in the Raft-up described below.
- An award will be given for PERSEVERANCE. To qualify the vessel must cross the Finish Line prior to 0001 hours on 25 April, 2021.
- The Nominating Convention will be a Raft-up (if permitted) for all boats north of Lemolo. Powerboats with dance floors are encouraged to attend. The Raft-up will be the base of the HORRORS D’HOOVER Contest and the Awards Ceremonies.
- As always, good candidates never travel in the middle of the nautical road. Cross the middle of the nautical road quickly. See DBT COMDTINST M16672.2 Rule 10 (c). With regard to Buoy SF, you must stay east of the traffic lane until Buoy SF is past your beam before crossing to the west side. Chart plotters will be audited. Do not impede or force a WSF ferry or other large or government vessels in Rich Passage (considered a narrow channel) to stop or change course. Doing so will create hate and discontent amongst those who would rather see sailboats removed from local marine waters. See DBT COMDTINST M16672.2 Rule 9.
- As directed by the DBT, in accordance with pending dicta from the Lesser State of Washington, debaters must stay at least 400 yards ahead or behind, or 300 yards beam of any Southern Resident Orca (SRO). You may approach Transient Orcas (TO) within 100 yards (90 meters). If there is any doubt about whether the Orca is a SRO as opposed to a TO, it is suggested that you examine their breath, as TOs are mammal eaters as opposed to salmon eating SROs and therefore will not smell fishy.
- As required by the censorious Vice Admiral, the Office of Circumlocution points out that the last two items are to be taken seriously. Admiral Jack Tar has meowed his assent. The Bilge Rat stands censored.